After eight years of serving as a volunteer Young Life leader, we were surprised when God lead us away from our comfortable life and vibrant ministry to…[wait for it]… Muskogee, OK, “a place where even squares can have a ball” (Merle Haagard). We were 750 miles from anything familiar – job, family, stores, church, ministry, etc. We were experiencing a mix of adventure and loss.
I took my faith seriously. I tried to practice the classical disciplines described in Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline (well, sort of – 3 of the 12 disciplines). I read and studied scripture and prayed regularly – almost daily. A few weeks after our move and the start of a new job, something strange happened regarding the practice of the disciplines – I QUIT!
One morning while biking to work, I was wondering about why I had quit, why I had zero motivation to read, study, and pray. From somewhere inside my head I heard, “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to quit? Now let’s go.” I can’t say that I audibly hear God’s voice on a regular basis, but I am pretty (very) sure God was speaking to me that morning. And I had no doubt what he meant. Looking back, I realized that all my reading, studying, and praying had a “so that” attached. I think I attended to these disciplines so that the ministry I led would be successful. Understand – I certainly benefited from all my reading and studying, but apparently something was amiss.
At the time, I wasn’t sure what was amiss, but I was sure that God wanted me to go right back to reading, studying, and praying (I suspect it’s what “Now let’s go” was all about). I found a greasy spoon restaurant near my work (circa 1981 was pre-coffee shops) and determined to stop there every morning before work to read and spend time with God. The restaurant opened at 5:00a and I gave God permission (like he needed my permission) to wake me up whenever he wanted. 4:30a became quite common! As I am wont to do, I purchased a used Amplified New Testament, a translation unfamiliar to me, and dove in. The Amplified translation expands the English to better align with the richness of the original Greek. One morning, about 6:00a, I stumbled across this…
[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power out-flowing from His resurrection… (Philippians 3:10, AMPC)
This resonated deep within my being. I parked on the passage for a some time, pondering its significance. When he wrote this, the Apostle Paul was in jail in Rome, awaiting trial, aware that the outcome might be his death. And yet, his determined purpose was to progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Jesus, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly! Paul, one of the most successful ministers ever, the writer of much of the New Testament, was focused not on his ministry, but on progressively knowing Jesus! I discovered what was amiss. I was so focused on the success of my ministry that I lost sight of simply knowing Jesus. So, with determination, I set out to progressively know Jesus more deeply and intimately.
We can be so busy working for God that we totally miss Him. A couple years ago I graded papers written by people after they read Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. There was a common theme in the papers: I am so busy working for God that I don’t have time to spend with him. Some even confessed a “so that” attachment to their devotion to God. I prayed for them – that they might quit some day. I’m sure glad I did!
12 thoughts on “Circa 1981…I Quit!”
I didn’t realize that was when you began your devotions in a restaurant!
I read that book maybe 10 years ago. I should read it again! Praying for you!!
Coffee shops weren’t an option until I moved to Elk River. My go-to places were usually McDs or Hardee’s.
Celebration of Discipline was initially an unhealthy read for me. I thought I was to try to conquer the disciplines. It felt like I was spinning plates. In the mid-80s, I heard a cassette tape of Foster talking about the disciplines, reminding us that the purpose of the disciplines is to place us in front of the Father so he can transform us. THAT was transformative and freeing!
Every one of your entries makes me want to cut through the noise and get to know Jesus more. Thank you…
Every one of your posts makes me want to cut through the noise and get to know Jesus better. Thank you!
Thanks, Marta. I think the operative term in the Philippians passage is “determined purpose.” It takes determination to cut thru the noise. And courage. God told Joshua to be strong and courageous. A few years ago I discovered that the Hebrew term for courageous smacks of a determined purpose. I will pray for you as you determine to cut through the noise and continue to know Jesus better.
Every one of your posts makes me want to cut through the noise and just get to know Jesus more. Thank you!
Curt, this was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you for taking me back to the essential gospel truths that get so easily lost in the clutter of life.
Jenni – Glad to hear that. Blessings!